I sound like a whiner, but being short with no upper body strength blows. I’m not about to file for disability or write a memoir called “My Life Being Mistaken For Your Baby Sister” but I feel like ranting. That’s my prerogative and one of the reasons I have a blog. I’ll keep it short. Shortie…… Continue reading The Struggle of Being Smaller Than Most People… and Several Dog Breeds
For my birthday, I went out to the bar with an empty tin can and asked for donations. Thankfully, I’m the perfect combination of annoying yet endearing, so most people trusted that I planned to use the money for an Animal Rescue League donation, as opposed to a new couch. (I only considered it for a…… Continue reading Birthday Fundraiser: The Story of Sponsoring Juicy
It’s my 25th birthday! I feel a reflex to say something about budgets, hangovers, unemployment or “finding myself” as that is the general mish-mash of listicles you’ll find on the internet about your 20s. But it’s more of a gag reflex, so I’ll hold back. Here is an honest list of lessons I’ve learned by…… Continue reading 25 Lessons Learned by 25: The Story of Getting Older! And Smarter?
Like most bathrooms across America, my parent’s is stocked with editions of Reader’s Digest. Naturally, I’ve already read most of them. I’ve laughed. I’ve cried. I’ve looked up 4 hours later and wondered…what year is it? They can be a little cheesy, but then the best bathroom reading material is. Over Thanksgiving, I found this…… Continue reading How to Grow Your Soul
After December, I won’t have the same comfy writing contract, which means I have to start the process of awkward phone calls and interviews – “Hi, I’m Emily. Oh, my *skills? I can eat pudding with a fork.” Plus, I’m about to lease an apartment with my boyfriend. These are big changes, and a lot…… Continue reading Turn and Face the Strange: The Story of Big Life Changes
Sorry to start this post like a bad valedictorian speech, but I’d like to define a word for you. I googled “reality” (I’m not high) and one answer was, “the state or quality of having existence or substance.” Fine. But then it goes on to exemplify this with, “youth, when death has no reality.” What kind…… Continue reading Trick Question: Fiction, Real or Fake?
I spent most of my life training in *different forms of dance, and while it definitely left me with great posture, musicality, and turned out feet, I’m not going to the club anytime soon to whip out a quasi-fabulous routine that ends in a lift. I will, however, ride piggyback if we go on a…… Continue reading Bunions, Bad Knees, and a Bum Hip: The Story of a Dancer
I flew to Florida to visit my boyfriend this weekend and acknowledged something I’ve probably known for a while. My boyfriend is a French garden and I am an English garden. Allow me to explain. French gardens are about harnessing nature and creating order and symmetry, like the gardens at the Palace of Versailles, which…… Continue reading Battle of Two Gardens: The Story of Me and My Boyfriend
My muse is violent. Some writer’s muses seduce them, or hold their hand through the creative process. But my muse, let’s call her Wanda, is a real bastard. She plagues my brain and if I don’t do what she wants, she shits on my pillow. Wanda gives me headaches, stomach aches, pimples, and an…… Continue reading My Violent Muse: The Story of How Poetry Tries to Kill Me
Are you feeling blue? Well, call me Billy Mays (RIP) because I’m here to get rid of that stain. Watch how this post unleashes of the power of wine (and some other less important stuff), making tough stains (your blue-ness) disappear like magic. For me, happiness is a bit like twerking. Some people have mastered…… Continue reading Happiness is like Twerking: The Story of What To Do When You Feel Blue