Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and wonder, “Who am I… really?”

I sure do. And I think the answer might be this: Cindy Cervantes.

“Who is Cindy Cervantes?” you ask.

Cindy is a woman I’ve never met. My doppelganger.

I was visiting Denver a few weeks ago, and on my way back to the airport, I looked left and saw my face — all pink, huge, and surrounded by roses.

Like… that’s literally my face.

Spooky.

Later, my friend from Denver sends me an article. The artist’s name is Thomas Evans (also known as Detour). He was painting the likeness of his friend Cindy Cervantes, who is something of a good Samaritan. His aim was to placate drivers with road rage. Detour says, “When they get that anger inside them because it’s so slow, I want them to feel a little bit better that they have something beautiful to look at. Maybe they’ll calm down a little bit.”

So now I’m wondering, does my face soothe angry drivers? Should I test out this theory? Thus began the ill-fated saga of me purposely cutting people off in traffic, looking back at them, and smiling. I have to tell you, they were not calm.

This painting just goes to show that we all have doppelgangers running around out there. Or secret twins. Or clones. But even if we are identical twins, Cindy and me, we have different talents. Cindy’s innate ability to pacify drivers is not mine, even though we share a fucking face. Turns out, my face is actually pretty aggravating.

Cindy, I wish you well, and if you’re ever in Pittsburgh, let’s get a drink. Although we probably shouldn’t carpool. All those unsuspecting drivers will crash due to the sheer confusion of simultaneous tranquility and rage.

You must be the yang to my yin.

THE END