Anecdotal Evidence · Drunk

4 Years Dating a Blonde

Today is my 4 year anniversary with my blonde boyfriend, Colin, who was (below) and is very blonde.


It officially began at a Lotus concert where the bassist, Mike Rempel, gave me his guitar pick from the stage. I was real pumped about it so Colin bought me a hat from the merch booth and got all the band members to sign it. Sadly, my head is way too *big to wear it.

To be fair, our relationship may have started all the way back in 7th grade when he slipped a plastic Buddha into my locker, signed my yearbook, “with love” and moved away for two years (classic bait and switch).


Most likely, it started when he moved back in 10th grade. I went to a Penguins game with him and some friends and after I **shotgunned my third beer he asked if I was a lesbian. (Was it my noticeable lack or boyfriends or even more noticeable love of beer? JK about the second one.) I said no and stomped off cause I had probably been trying to flirt.

Now, we didn’t officially start dating until a few years later, but I’m pretty sure I’ve just been trying to prove him wrong ever since then. Happy 4 years, Colin! No, I am not a lesbian. While we may have gone through some weird phases, like that one time I spit on you or those 6 weeks we lived out of your car :), you’re still my main piece and I wouldn’t trade you for a barrel of wine.

P.S. – I’m sorry I cut my hair.

***Love you, kid!


*I technically can wear the Lotus hat, it just cuts off all circulation to my brain and tries to murder me.

**It was then that I earned the nickname, Shotgun Girl. Oh, how I wish I was kidding.

*** I recently read this book about elephants and how they communicate through their stomach rumblings. The other night, Colin and I were trying to fall asleep when my stomach growled something like, “ROWLgurbledongpingoooooo”. So I leaned over and said, that’s elephant language for “I love you”. He said, “Oh.” Ten minutes later he goes, “Did you really just fart and then say it was elephant language for I love you?” ❤

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