Musings

The Struggle of Being Smaller Than Most People… and Several Dog Breeds

I sound like a whiner, but being a shortie with no upper body strength sometimes sucks. I’m not about to file for disability or write a memoir called, “My Life Being Mistaken For Your Baby Sister,” but I feel like ranting. That’s my prerogative and one of the reasons I have a blog.

I’ll keep it short.

Shortie Cons

1.Moving Day – I really am trying to lift this mattress, but by design, my arms are twigs. Take Leafcutter ants. They are the strongest creatures in the world, relative to their size, but like me, they *couldn’t lift this mattress.

2.I have to scale my kitchen cabinets like a fecking mountain climber.

hosen

3.People tend to associate smallness with a lack of guts. Please, don’t. I may be small but I have big figurative balls.

4.Concerts – Hey, yes, I’m down here and I am the first one to smell your farts.

5.In job interviews, I often get the sense that I’m being “awwed”.

6.I get cold easily. At most hours of the day I’m ready to crawl inside a dead ton-ton.

But being small isn’t always bad. I don’t want to be a model, pole vaulter, or paint the **Sistine chapel ceiling anyway. And it’s not like having to burn the extra .5 calories to reach into my wallet for my ID really bothers me. So, now I’d like to spew the perks.

Shortie Pros

1.It’s easy to sneak up on people.

2.***If we were both to fall over right now, you would have a longer way to fall.

3.If I ever get injured, I can count on someone to carry me to safety in their arms and not have to construct a makeshift gurney out of bamboo and vines.

4.It’s more fun to take on a challenge and watch eyebrows go up.

5.I can charm the shit out of people. It’s my leprechaun appeal.

That’s my spiel. In the grand scheme of things, we’re all just specks of dust in a big wide universe anyway. Cheers!

THE END

*Yes, I know an ant can lift like 850 times it’s body weight. Shut up.

**Yes, I know they used ladders and scaffolding to paint the Sistine chapel. Shut up.

***Shut up.

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2 thoughts on “The Struggle of Being Smaller Than Most People… and Several Dog Breeds

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