It’s my 25th birthday!

I feel a reflex to say something about budgets, hangovers, unemployment or “finding myself” as that is the general mish-mash of listicles you’ll find on the internet about your 20s. But it’s more of a gag reflex, so I’ll hold back. Here is an honest list of lessons I’ve learned by 25.

1. You CAN forget how to ride a bike.
2. Always bring Advil.
3. Gordon Ramsay is a dick. 
4. Don’t go on long hikes if you’re having intestinal issues.
5. Cardio is a bunch of bullshit. Borrow 80s workout tapes from the library.
6. At least consider the possibility that fate might be real.
7. If you know how to make rice, you’ll survive.
8. Don’t peel the labels off your Xanax, then expect police to believe you when you say it’s prescribed.
9. Tequila and hot sauce don’t mix. Well they do, but they shouldn’t.
10. Don’t squat to pee in the jungle. Jaguars don’t like it.
11. Knowing better isn’t the same as being better.
12. Listen to your grandparents when they talk. Even if they are hard to hear. Even if they don’t always make sense.
13. If you throw up on a plane, don’t fake cough on the attendant. They don’t like that.
14. If anyone talks poorly about your friends or family, fight them.
15. If you spill someone else’s drink, buy them a new one.
16. It’s okay to turn down a good job to travel.
17. Real life is weirder than The Onion.
18. There are good people out there, but don’t forget about the creeps and criminals.
19. There are creeps and criminals out there, but don’t forget about the good people.
20. One glass of red wine is equal to 24 hours at the gym
21. You might be wrong. 
22. Hobbits are excellent role models.
23. People who say they have no regrets are lying. Regret is real. Just aim for the right regrets.
24. Don’t repel into a canyon with a mormon whose name you don’t know.
25. Security in the Louvre doesn’t like when you touch the art.

BONUS LESSON – Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like Forrest Gump.

Cheers to 25!

THE END