It’s my 25th birthday!
I feel a reflex to say something about budgets, hangovers, unemployment or “finding myself” as that is the general mish-mash of listicles you’ll find on the internet about your 20s. But it’s more of a gag reflex, so I’ll hold back. Here is an honest list of lessons I’ve learned by 25.
- You CAN forget how to ride a bike.
- Always bring Advil.
- Gordon Ramsay is a dick.
- Don’t go on long hikes if you’re having intestinal issues.
- Cardio is a bunch of bullshit. Borrow 80s workout tapes from the library.
- At least consider the possibility that fate might be real.
- If you know how to make rice, you’ll survive.
- Don’t peel the labels off your Xanax, then expect police to believe you when you say it’s prescribed.
- Tequila and hot sauce don’t mix. Well they do, but they shouldn’t.
- Don’t squat to pee in the jungle. Jaguars don’t like it.
- Knowing better isn’t the same as being better.
- Listen to your grandparents when they talk. Even if they are hard to hear. Even if they don’t always make sense.
- If you throw up on a plane, don’t fake cough on the attendant. They don’t like that.
- If anyone talks poorly about your friends or family, fight them.
- If you spill someone else’s drink, buy them a new one.
- It’s okay to turn down a good job to travel.
- Real life is weirder than The Onion.
- There are good people out there, but don’t forget about the creeps and criminals.
- There are creeps and criminals out there, but don’t forget about the good people.
- One glass of red wine is equal to 24 hours at the gym
- You might be wrong.
- Hobbits are excellent role models.
- People who say they have no regrets are lying. Regret is real. Just aim for the right regrets.
- Don’t repel into a canyon with a mormon whose name you don’t know.
- Security in the Louvre doesn’t like when you touch the art.
BONUS LESSON – Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like Forrest Gump.
Cheers to 25!