After December, I won’t have the same comfy writing contract, which means I have to start the process of awkward phone calls and interviews – “Hi, I’m Emily. Oh, my *skills? I can eat pudding with a fork.” Plus, I’m about to lease an apartment with my boyfriend. These are big changes, and a lot of the time it feels like a group of rotund step dancers have taken up residency inside my stomach. I am excited too, but to maintain that feeling, I have to be prepared, and for every reasonable step I’ve taken to prepare myself, I’ve taken two nonsensical steps into the oblivion that I like to call – DISTRACTION.
- Pump up my portfolio and resume.
- **Binge watch Dancing with the Stars. Hate myself.
- Eat an entire bag of wasabi almonds. Hate myself, pt. 2.
- Rely on my family and support system.
- Sing Hey Jude and Dear Prudence to my cat.
- ***Write a personal essay about pancakes.
- Make a detailed budget.
- Make unreasonable travel plans to go to the Galapagos Islands.
- Wine with a side of wine.
- Smile anyway.
Change sucks, wear a wine helmet. If you are going through similar life changes right now and feel nervous, just know that every time you fall on your ass, you build scar tissue, and hence a more ample bum. Cheers!
*My other skills include, wrangling my cat when she is pissed, driving with my knees, and being naive.
**I used to make fun of DWTS, but now I am seriously invested and sometimes boo the judges out loud. Team Nascar Driver Guy!
***Actual quote from my pancake essay, “Both the Illuminati and my pancakes rely heavily on symbolism.” ….