Anecdotal Evidence · Bigger Than My Body

Role Model: The Story of My Questionable Influences

I’ve been thinking about my role models lately – people I look up to, but can also relate to. A lot of them are artists, peace-makers, or champions of a cause. Our history has no shortage of leaders and innovators, of great beauties and even greater brains. But I think my biggest role model is a fictional character. And an ogre. (No, we aren’t talking Gandhi.)


Shrek and I have a lot in common. Sure, the whole onion thing. Ogres have layers and I have layers, but so does everyone. Even Paris Hilton has layers. Two of which might be self-tanner and sin, but whatever. You know what I mean. I relate more to Shrek’s social tendencies. That scene near the beginning of the movie where he makes himself a nice filet-o-slug and eats to the light of an earwax candle? That looks lovely. Seriously, that’s an ideal Friday night for me, and by that I mean quiet reflection, not the earwax ambience. Shrek enjoys alone time and simple comforts. Me too! The world has a never-ending supply of Lord freaking Farquuads and sometimes I just have to give it all a big fat NOPE.


Shrek puts on a façade to keep outsiders away. He’ll totally scare the pants off you on purpose, and I haven’t seen the movie in a while, but I remember something about making jelly from people’s eyeballs (#yum #eyeballjelly). Now, I don’t think anyone has ever been scared of me, though I did exhibit *accidental aggression during a powder-puff football game once, but I have a similar habit. I keep a ten-foot pole of emotional distance between me and most everyone I know. Now, get a couple of shots of tequila in me and I’ll be your best friend, but I won’t spill my secrets, even then. Some people may interpret this as standoff-ish, I’m sure. Others might see it as shy. But, I’m just being an ogre, and bitch, I’ve got layers.

I do have a few friends that are the Donkey of my life. Sadly, none of them are the actual **Eddie Murphy…yet, but they are there, and they give me balance. When I hideaway in my swamp too long, they pull me out, and while they’ve never made me waffles in the morning, they’ve brought me coffee and pointed me in the direction of bagels or leftover pizza. Donkey is without a doubt the best part of the movie, and my personal Donkeys are the best parts of my life.


Shrek is brave. He might grumble, but dammit, he’ll slay your dragon. And Shrek is his own friend. He makes himself laugh. He may not look like the hero, but he is, and that’s the #1 reason he is my role model. Shrek defies expectations. I strive to do the same.

***In a world of Cinderellas, be a Shrek.


*Accidental aggression happens sometimes when I forget I’m like 5-feet tall, then start growling at people. It didn’t end well in this case. I got mauled and wound up in physical therapy for 6 months.

**Celebrities I want to be friends with: Eddie Murphy, Sandra Oh, Willy Nelson, and Sigourney Weaver. Oh, and Bill O’Reilly, but only because it turns out he’s over 6 feet tall (who knew!), and I think the two of us together would make a hilarious Christmas card.

***Unless, of course, you want to be Cinderella. Who am I to tell you who not to be? Girlfriend is way cleaner than me, and clean can be nice too. Plus, wild animals dress her in the morning and if that’s not goals, I don’t know what is.



3 thoughts on “Role Model: The Story of My Questionable Influences

  1. Pretty comical. I haven’t decided what cartoon character I am. Not Cinderella – one look at the house cancels that one out. I’ll have to start paying more attention to the grandson’s movies. And I’ll add Shrek to the list 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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